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Sunday, 28 July 2013

What £86m could be spent on.

A couple of dodgy reprints from previous articles, a lack of official word and a few nutters on Twitter have ensured that we're slowly being brainwashed to the fact that Bale won't be in a Spurs shirt come September. It's propaganda I tell ya. It's times like this when I imagine simpler times. Imagine a transfer window without the net. An ITK would spot something on Ceefax who'd then tell their neighbour, who'd tell a friend, who'd tell his cousin and so on. By the time the rumour reached Europe we'd find ourselves mid-way through the season and gleefully singing 'mind the gap'.

But still, should Levy smell an £86m cheque and give in to his basic instincts - here's what he could do with it:

  • Give Baldini a bonus for the great work he's done this window.
  • Enjoy flights to Spain on BA instead of EasyJet (this including return journeys as well)
  • Increase the wages of Tom Huddlestone, Scott Parker and Jake Livermore to warn away potential suitors interested in their signature.
  • Subsidise the bottles of Carlsberg in White Hart Lane to allow a drop in price from £3.30 to £3.20.
  • Bring back David Pleat as club ambassador.
  • Pay off Uefa to let us into the Champions League
  • Save the Antwerp Arms
  • Pay PSV to take Gomes back to Holland
  • Give Ledley King a new set of knees
  • Re-open Rudolph's but only allow those with a fake ID to enter.
  • Invest in our own scouts so we no longer have to use Liverpool's. 
  • Start his own Spurs based paper company
  • Fill the Emirates with thousands of blow up sex dolls for every seat they fail to sell
  • Smother ITK's in their sleep
  • Ban anyone from the internet that has "Full time yummy mummy xx" on their Facebook profile as their full time job.
  • Give Abramovich a Moonpig thank you card for AVB - No Tesco shit.
  • Allocate more stewards at WHL to ensure everyone is seated for 90 minutes during games.
  • Give Chick King the money to expand 
  • Buy back Gareth Bale 

On a serious note, I struggle to see Bale leaving this summer both practically and emotionally. I wouldn't have a breakdown if he would, I'd just feel we'd have contradicted ourselves massively if he does. If Madrid come in with offers over £100m then it's hard to see a bid being rejected. Although, with the publicity surrounding the prospective move, I think Levy will reject any first offer that comes our way to make a point. There's also the fact that brand Bale is worth a lot more than we probably anticipate - apparently Barca have already made back the transfer fee they spent on Neymar in shirt sales worldwide, the player has yet to have a training session with the squad.

Ben - You can follow me on Twitter here

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